7:53 am I'm in the car... on the way to work. Brain switches on to Marilyn (now known as Serenity) thank you. Who knows why? I burst into tears. Now I just go with it... and let it come. Man, in my younger days I fought that shit.... closed, locked, tight... I can't close it anymore... at least not as well as I could. Poor tortured soul... much like that of Marilyn Monroe huh? I thought about calling Shari at that point but knew she was probably out feeding. Why was she given the name Marilyn? I don't think she likes it but... look at the similarities... she gave everything only to be scorn. I don't know that much about Marilyn Monroe but obviously she was a tortured soul. I get settled in and email Zeb and Shari. Were they already working with her this morning? Why right then did I have that feeling? I've learned not to question it too much... and just try to move on. But a good 10 minute cry for Serenity and my brain moves me on to something else... thank you. My media training will not let me write something without a picture...
And so... cut to yesterday...
It was rainy... Moon was "feelin her oats" as they say. She must have been raised with Arabians. She gets that tail all hitched up and that head up... acting like a 3 year old :) I happen to love it but do I want to put my kid on it? No, not really. So, I bring her into the covered round pen. She is feelin sassy! I let her run about. Do a free lunge, just to let her get it out of her system. Do my dry bathe, prayer of intention... and she's having none of it, which is normal but... look at how gentle she is with Del!!! Fine, lets move on. She is rubbing all over me, driving me crazy... trying to tell me either she wants to go back to the pasture or... she has an itch! I'm pretty sure, it's a combo of both. Obviously, in her past, someone has given into this. Not me, no ma'am. Just look at the intensity in her in the other picture. Can you say horse ADD? LOL!! But, this is a good lesson for both of my girls... so I put Del on her and they just walk around the round pen for a good 20 minutes. She eventually chills out. What does that have to do with today? Absolutely nothing... Wishing I had one like Serenity to work with. A real project... I'm almost ready. Gotta get my body healthy first.
Somewhere between functioning and trained... I've trained myself, which has worked til now... now... I need some help. Is this why my ears itch on the inside?
Thankfully, my boyfriend doesn't have too many emotions besides, love, fear and stress. I try not to take on his shit too much but often I do. His love overwhelms me sometimes... he doesn't understand any of this and probably never will. He knows how compassionate I am and says it's one of the reasons he loves me but they (being the whole family) will often ridicule me for crying. He realizes now... that I can not help it, but didn't at first. I can not help it. Believe me, I wish I could. Most often, it's animals... probably because I haven't spent my whole life learning to block them.
And today's music is... a song I feel with every fiber of my being... And... I used to love to play it. The music hasn't returned to me yet. I hope one day it will and my guitar will come back into my hands... as will my paintbrush.
I long for a drive today... thru the mountains... a scenic bliss of peaceful.
No comments:
Post a Comment